I am completely and utterly sick and tired of “Reality” television.  It’s show after show of what is allegedly someone’s real life, but actually it’s not.  It’s whatever the producers want you to think is their real life.  The worst are the dating shows.  I will admit I was addicted to “Flavor of Love,” but that’s where it ended.  Ok that’s a lie.  I watched a few of the last episodes of each season of “I Love New York.”  But for real SistaGirlz, that was it.  I was done.  It got to be too much.  “Real Chance at Love,” then that Tela Tequila mess.  It was like the shows got worse and worse.   

So whose trying to find love on t.v. next?  None other than Omarosa.  Yes SistaGirlz, she and The Trump have teamed up to create a dating show for her called “The Ultimate Merger,” which will premiere on the TV One channel June 17 at 9pm EST.  There are twelve guys, none of which even look like someone she would remotely be interested in, vying for her love and affection.  Don’t get me wrong there are some cuties on the show, but none of them seem to be…how should I say…on her level.  And get this one of these eligible bachelors is…….Al B Sure!!!!  In the words of my loveable mentor and friend – “What in the LL Cool J!”  I mean really.  Is he that pressed to get back in the spotlight?  Clearly, he could have met Omarosa without being on the show.  P Diddy could have set up a meeting or something!  LOL!  This is another one I will definately NOT watch.  Everyone knows that television love doesn’t last.  Furthermore, never will I invite a man to leave his job and live in a plush pad that I got for him to see if he’s “The One.”  No no no brotha I need to see you in your element.  See how you move when you’re in your neck of the woods.  Ah, but I digress…back to the madness. 

Check out the trailer and let me know if you’ll tune in.

SistaGirlz

How many times have you gotten into a relationship and been superwoman for your mate?  You do everything he wants to do.  Go everywhere he wants to go.  And everytime he asks you what you want to do you say, “I don’t know baby. What do you want to do?”  Then we wonder why that relationship didn’t work out.  We wonder why it got stale and he suddenly became uninterested.

It’s because you forgot to DO YOU.  There had to be a reason he was interested in you in the first place and it wasn’t because he wanted an exact replica of himself.  Whatever you did before you met him, continue to do while your with him.  If you and your girls have a standing lunch date on Saturdays, then keep that.  If you went dancing or bowling or to the movies with friends or whatever, continue to do it after you become involved in a relationship.  It keeps you interesting.  You have something to talk about and you continue to bring something to the table.

SistaGirlz

I was over a friends house for a happy occasion and it almost turned sour. I walked in with my work clothes on and spoke to her father, who upon seeing me made a remark about my clothing in reference to where I work. It wasn’t anything negative, but I just kind of brushed it off because my current job in retail has nothing to do with my future career as a teacher. Noticing my casual attitude about my current job he says, “Well, make all the money you can while your there.” So I say, “No, I’m good where I’m at. I’m in grad school and I graduate next spring. I’ll be a teacher, so I’m just trying to hold on to that.” Sidenote: With more money comes more responsibility, which is not what I want where I am. Then he says, “Well you know teaching doesn’t hold the same prestige as it used to.” I didn’t say anything. I promptly turned my attention to the birthday boy and dismissed any notions of continuing any type of conversation with him at all.

Why wouldn’t you encourage someone who has figured out their purpose? Why wouldn’t you support someone following their dreams, goals, and aspirations?  Furthermore, he didn’t even bother to figure out what my plan was before he tried to shoot it down.  He has no idea that I plan to start a non-profit in the St. Louis area to provide ACT and SAT preparation assistance to African-American students.  He has no idea of the potential I have to change people’s lives.

SistaGirlz, I tell you this story to say this…HATERS come in all shapes and sizes. They are here, there, and everywhere. And most recently I learned they are where you least expect them.  Had I been a lesser woman I may have let this deter me from what I know to be a part of the reason I was put here on this earth.  Alas, I am not.  I am far to strong, determined, and focused to let those who have allowed life to pass them by pass judgment on where my life is headed…And SistaGirlz I hope you are too!

SistaGirlz

So, I’m getting on the Internet on my Blackberry to find out the weather for today and I come accross a news headline that reads “Bobby Brown gets engaged on stage.”  Of course, I had to click on it.  Here’s what I read:

For concertgoers at Metro Park in Jacksonville, Fla., on Friday, the hottest ticket at the annual Funk Fest wasn’t the performance by ’90s girl group SWV or the line for fruity refreshments as temperatures climbed into the 90s. It was watching singer Bobby Brown propose to his girlfriend of nearly three years, manager Alicia Etheridge. Holding their 11-month-old son Cassius, Etheridge joined Brown on stage as he got down on one knee and presented her with a ring. The crowd roared its approval as a beaming Etheridge kissed Brown, who remained kneeling.Brown, who had a troubled 15-year marriage to Whitney Houston and most recently appeared on Celebrity Fit Club, seemed elated to have the audience in his corner.

Shock followed by amazement and then disgust with a hint of “What in the LL Cool J” (as Deja would say) hit me.  Why in the world would anyone, I repeat, ANYONE ever in their right mind even date Bobby Brown!  Let alone agree to marry him!  And they have a kid together!!!!!! OMG!  I’m almost speechless about this.  I can’t figure it out.  Why would she subject herself to the madness?

Then it came to me.  I could almost hear the old wise soul speaking directly into my ear…”You can’t help who you fall in love with, so you have to be careful who you allow yourself to be around.”

Okay so there was no random voice from the heavens, but it is a great piece of advice that came from a good friend of mine’s dad (shouts out to Mr. Davie).

SistaGirlz, take head to these words because they ring very true.  I’m sure we can all find a love situation to which this applies. Don’t let this precious gem fall on deaf ears, or since you’re reading this - blind eyes…or something like that.  You really can’t help when you fall in love.  You just do.  So, surround yourself with people who are worthy of that love.  That way if you haphazardly fall in love, it’ll be a good look. 

As for Bobby Brown and his new wife-to-be, I honestly wish them the best.  I hope it works out for all involved.  No seriously, I do.  SMH

SistaGirlz

I am so so so tired of seeing butt cracks everywhere I turn.  The butt crack of girl bending over to pick up something she dropped on the floor.  The butt crack of a mother squatting to get closer look at some items on the bottom shelf at the grocery store.  The butt crack of a girl around 10 standing in the checkout lane at Target.  And the worst offense ever…The butt crack of a little girl about 5 or 6 sitting on the shoulders of a family member.  What is the world coming to!  There used to be a time when the only unwelcome butt crack you would have to worry about is one of a overweight plumber, cable guy, etc.  Now, there are respectable young ladies out here showing their butt cracks to the world.  It’s an epidemic!  I can no longer stand by and let this unsightly mess continue!

The culprit…Low rise jeans

SistaGirlz, I’m gonna say something here that some may not want to hear but it must be said.  Low rise jeans are not for everyone!  I will venture to say if you have any backside or hips at all or your stomach is not a six pack, then you should steer clear of the low rise jeans.  Oh and no one should be wearing ultra low rise jeans.  I have no earthly idea who those are for.

I don’t care what the anyone else says, “butt cleavage” is not sexy.  It’s nasty.  Take the time out to find out which designers make regular rise jeans that work with – not against- your body type.  Regular rise jeans do still exist even though they can be a challenge to find.  But trust me, it’s well worth it.  Gap and Target both have the no gap waistband jeans and I’m sure there are other designers who haven’t gone all low rise.  Also, insure that you are shopping in the right department.  Anyone 21 and older needs to stay out of the Juniors department when it comes to jeans.  Those designers are not making jeans for a grown woman’s body.

Another option is high-waisted jeans.  Definitely try them on first, so you don’t look like Jessica Simpson did in them.  You want to go more for the Rhianna look pictured below.  It’s very cute and very classy.

Calling all SistaGirlz!

If you own a great pair of jeans that you never have to worry about hanging down around your butt crack, post a comment and let us know the brand and where to get them so the rest of us can get it together too!

*photo credit: Justjared.buzznet.com

SistaGirlz

SistaGirlz, have you ever been smiled at or looked at a little to long by a guy who was obviously with his woman?  What about being approached by a man after having seen him with his significant other?  Or have you been propositioned by a man who you know (and he knows you know) is married?

Recently, Fantasia and Alicia Keys have been in the headlines because they are both romantically linked to married men.  Maybe it’s me, but I expected more from these young ladies.  I mean, yes women entertain married men everyday, but these ladies are in the spotlight.  The world is watching and whether they like it or night they are role models for some young girls out here.

Fantasia pubicly denied having a relationship with Antwaun Cook – the married father of two – from early November, when the story broke, to early January.  Later pictures surfaced of her with his last name plastered on her left shoulder area and boo’d up with him in Barbados for the Barbados Music Awards.  Clearly, she lied.  Which means she obviously recognizes she’s wrong.  So why does she continue the relationship?  I guess half a man is better than no man at all (I say that with complete sarcasm because she must be half crazy if she thinks that to be true).

And then there is Alicia Keys.  She has never denied her relationship with Swizz Beats, but his wife, Mashonda, does state that  he was involved with Alicia prior to any separation.  He, of course, denies that Alicia was a contributing factor in their break-up.  But then why would Mashonda not know that you were accompanying Ms. Keys on her European tour last summer?  I mean, if you all were in agreement that you were separated and all?  Whatever the timeline of events, one thing is certain – Swizzy and Mashonda are still married.   So why on earth is Alicia sporting what looks to be an engagement ring?  And she has bought a home with this man! SMH!  I don’t get it.  To be fair, I fully understand that Swizz Beats has a lot of money and it may take time for he and his wife to reach an agreement as far as a settlement is concerned.  Still, he should complete his business with his wife before moving on as if she never existed.  I mean really.

SistaGirlz, it’s time that we take responsibility for ourselves.  How dare a man involved with another women even approach us?  We have to realize that men who cheat on their wives, or leave their families for other women are, well, LOSERS.  I am not and will never be attracted to any man who cannot stand as a man and take care of his personal business and responsibilities before endulging in pleasure.  It’s sickening.  And what’s more sickening is that we, women, allow it to continue to happen.  For the life of me I can’t figure out why some of us have that “Well, she must not be taking care of him,” etc. attitude.  It matters not what she is or isn’t doing and whatever he says he’s not getting he should take up with her – the woman he stood before God with and promised to love, honor, and cherish for better or worse til death do they part, not you.  I beg of you SistaGirlz, BEHAVE LIKE A LADY.  Because when you sleep with dogs, you eventually get fleas.

SistaGirlz

What are you looking for in a relationship?  Is it companionship, love, support, or all the things you never got from your father?  SistaGirlz, in my adult life I have realized that many times we go into a relationship trying to fill the void we have from the things our father didn’t do.  I know women who have abandonment issues, need to be in love all the time, and even are super concerned with being taken care of financially all because of what their daddies didn’t do.

Now, I know that not every single one of you had a “bad dad.” I also know that even if your dad was great there is still a possibility that there is something that you felt was missing, but my point is this:  Stop using relationships to fill the void!  Why?  Because you put too much pressure on a person to behave in a specific way in order for you to feel satisfied.  Love becomes conditional and as soon as they falter in your need area you feel all out of sorts and ready to break down.

Get whole on your own.  I remember a long time ago, Tyra Banks said on her show that she spent years and years being upset with her father for what he didn’t do.  Then one day she realized the only person it was hurting was herself because he had no idea.  She was unhappy, but he was just fine.  SistaGirlz, it’s time to stop being a victim of a situation from the past.  It’s time to move past that and on to a brighter future.

If you’re single, take time to figure out where you are emotionally, where you want to be, and what it is going to take for you to get there.  I know with the recent newscast concerning Black women and marriage a lot of us, I’m including myself, are a little nervous about our chances of finding a lifetime mate.  But I can tell you that if you don’t get your mental and emotional state together, you are sure to be checking the single box on every tax form, new doctor’s paperwork, and job application from here to eternity.

If you need to go to therapy…GO.  If you need to confront your father about how you feel…DO IT.  Do whatever it takes to get whole.  Whole healthy people are more likely to have healthy relationships and healthy relationships are more likely to last.

SistaGirlz

So much of our worlds are inherited. Often times, what we think about ourselves, about others, how we behave and cope with emotional stress, our expectations as it relates to career, love, and life in general, and so much more are all passed down to us from the people we interact with and from what we read or hear. Children are perfect little recorders of their environments. They pick up the vocabulary, the dialect, and all the subtleties of the human behavior surrounding them. Because of that, the emotional space a child grow up in plays a major role in how they experience and demonstrate their emotions throughout life.

My last relationship was my first adult relationship, and I went into it stumbling, wanting this love, yet very fearful. Much of the time we were together, instead of placing my trust in my partner and what we were building, I was afraid to really open myself up and let him in, let him know where I’d been and what I battled with. In being dishonest with myself, I was dishonest with him. I thought I knew how to love, but I didn’t. The reality was that I didn’t know how to love myself, so I didn’t know how to love him and I felt sort of inept the whole time we were together. Why couldn’t I open up? Why couldn’t I articulate my feelings? Why was I so afraid to be vulnerable and discuss my emotions? Why couldn’t I treat him the way he needed and deserved to be treated?

One word: dysfunction. I was dysfunctional.

My journey has brought me back home for a little while and as uncomfortable as being here has been for me, I understand the importance of this return, especially as it relates to understanding my dysfunction. In true “there’s got to be something wrong with me” fashion, I initially owned it, as though I taught it to myself how to be dysfunctional. But I didn’t; like so many others in the world, I inherited it.

Why must we be the change we wish to see in the world? Because we don’t even recognize who all is watching and learning from us, and we don’t know exactly what they’re learning. I inherited my parents’ emotional limitations. Keeping everything bottled in was a norm. So were explosive reactions, yelling, not communicating at all, making a scene of being upset yet unwilling to discuss why, being hurtful because we were hurt. It was a mess. It is a mess. And only now as I unfurl all this emotional junk do I understand how I can never have a healthy relationship with these behavioral patterns.

We’ve all heard that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Unfortunately, for some reason, many people believe they’re like dogs and that their personalities, after a certain point, become static. That is only true for the person who accepts it as true. In reality, we always have the power to change. Growing pains seem to keep so many stagnant, despite the rewards being worth the challenges several times over.

Continuous self-analysis is a permanent part of growth. Whatever doesn’t grow is dead. Open yourself up to more life by constantly analyzing yourself and seeing where you can grow and improve weaknesses. The way you love will be how you teach your children to love. The way you love yourself is the way you will love others. The solution to almost everything in the world is more self-love. The more you love yourself, the deeper your capacity to honestly love others. The more love others feel, the more they learn how to return it and do; it’s cyclical. Let’s be conscious to pass on love, not dysfunction.

SistaGirlz

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a friend’s status comment, or it may have even been a wall post on her Facebook page.  On it she said something to the effect of Rhianna’s domestic violence situation being vastly different from the thousands of women who have to walk on egg shells at home trying not to get beaten.  Then there were the comments.  Some said they agreed and she clearly had to have done something to set him off.  Needless to say, I WAS DISGUSTED.  I wanted to add a comment of my own, but I decided to write this article instead.  I know in FB world that status and the series of comments that went along with it are ancient, but after all this time it has really stuck with me.  So I’m climbing up onto my soapbox to Speak On this topic.  Here it goes…

How dare anyone who has not been a victim of, or a witness to – and therefore still a victim of – domestic violence have the audacity to make such an assertion about a serious matter that they have never been privy to.  Before I go on, I will admit that I did not ask anyone if they had ever been a victim of domestic violence, but I can say that based on the way the topic was presented and the comments that followed none of those young ladies have had any first-hand experience with that type of situation.  I will also note that I am qualified to discuss this matter.

Moving on…

To say that her situation is vastly different than any other battered woman is beyond ridiculous.  The only two things that make the situation a little bit different is 1)the people involved are celebrities and therefore the whole world knew about it and 2)she had enough sense/or was pressured by her managers , family, or responsibility to her fans to get out. 

Let’s discuss what is the same, shall we. 

• She was assaulted by her partner whom she deeply loved.
• At the time she feared for her life. He threatened to kill her and told her she was really gonna get it when they got home.
• She went back to him. A fact she admitted to Diane Sawyer during her interview. It was only for a short time, but she did it.
• She witnessed domestic violence as a child.
• She feels shame from the event.

Those women and Rhianna are one in the same.  They too were beaten one day, only they stayed.  Unfortunately they didn’t have the fame, money, and fan support to help them leave a toxic situation. 

Furthermore, the assertion that she did something to “provoke” him into beating her is like saying cashiers at gas stations provoke masked gunmen to come in and steal money from the register.  Whatever she said or did was no more a provocation than the money in the cash register.  We all know gas stations have money in cash registers, but we don’t all come barging in with a ski mask on, pull a gun on the clerk, and demand money.  Why?  Because we have self control, morals, good sense, etc.  Each and every person on this planet is responsible for what they do with their own bodies.  At the moment he felt ready to put his hands on her, he should have stopped the car and walked away from the situation.  It was his responsibility not to let the situation escalate to that level because he was the one who could have prevented it.  He lost control.   No matter what she did or said, there is no justification for assaulting someone – NONE.

Sigh…

Sistagirlz, it really saddens me that people are so naïve.  So, before I jump down off my soapbox I want to say one last thing - Until you have been in the situation I suggest you keep your mouth shut about it.

SistaGirlz

Before

 

 Is it just me or are all these starlets cutting their hair off and are going natural. Is the façade about long hair almost over? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind slapping on a half wig, getting a sew-in and if I could afford it a lace front, but for forever in our society it seems that the longer your hair is, the more beautiful you are perceived. 

 

 

Nevertheless, their have been many starlets cutting their hair into very short crops and even going completely natural.  My hair is natural and the transition has been very strenuous. It has been three years and I have learned to love my original hair every day. I have even tried, with some success, to make my friends go natural and have given them hair care tips – future article

 

After

But are the starlets starting this trend or has the public been on it for a while and they are just now catching up? I do know that the TWA (teeny weeny afro, for those of you who don’t know) was being rocked well before Solange’s new cut. Also, there were far more Rihannaesque cuts in the 90s before she got her fierce trim. Cassie’s edgy style was out in the late 80s early 90s with that whole “Salt & Pepper” look.  So, are these hairstyles new and innovative or just old and haven’t been seen on celebrities for a few years? You decide… and which ever one you choose to get, continue to stay Vicious!

SistaGirlz