How is Your RELATE-tionship?

I’m getting married in October of this year; and as my fiancé and I inch closer to that date, I’ve noticed something about myself.  I am scrutinizing every little thing with my possible-problem-magnifying glass. Oh, you’ve heard all of the stories about communication in relationships.  You gotta talk about everything, nip it in the bud, make sure you get it out before you and your mate go to bed. Mmmhmm, well I’ve been attempting to do those things. But the outcome isn’t as cut and dry as one would have you believe.

Just the other night my mate and I got into a little tizzy over the actual topic of communication! I was angry because he didn’t pick up on my frustration with my doctor’s appointment. I was trying to relate the story back to him, but he just didn’t grasp it; didn’t say the comforting words I wanted to hear. I was annoyed and he was befuddled by my behavior.

Thoughts of future arguments swirled in my mind and I saw myself getting so angry that I did and said things I wasn’t proud of. I didn’t see any of that calm rationalizing “they said” we should have been doing. Then it dawned on me, that my fiancé and I aren’t cookie-cutter. We are not going to have our arguments in a play-by-play ahead of time. There won’t be any “just add water” simple solutions to our problems, but just having the knowledge of this cleared my head and allowed me to zoom out of the minutiae and focus on the big picture of preparing for a lasting marriage.

Sure, there will be drama, but we’ll work it out in the way that’s right for us.  There’s a pattern and rhythm that beats in our relationship, and as we continue to grow, we’ll learn the ebbs and flows a little better.   For now, I’ve decided to share my doctor’s appointment frustration with a SistaGirl friend, who could give me the “girl I can’t believe they did that” response I needed, and let my fiancé do what he does best, hold my hand as he watches ESPN.

Raise Your Hand…and Volunteer!

This picture is of my youth group, The Flava Unit, volunteering at Father’s Heart Ministries in 2010. We always have a great time when we go there! We come out  more appreciative of our blessings than ever before.  As a matter of fact, I’ve scheduled for the teens to go back out there next month. The schedule for the soup kitchen gets so full, we have to book months in advance!

As I was preparing for the event, I started thinking about the people I see as volunteers. One thing I rarely see, are women of color volunteering. Hmm, now why is that? Oh, well you know, you’ll get the occasional women’s group that might appear during Black History Month or during the Holiday Season, but where are the SistaGirlz on the regular days? It’s rare to see more than one black or brown face volunteering at any of my events! What’s the deal, ladies?!

I know you’re busy, but think of those that could use your caring touch, your sparkling smile or  just your eyes of understanding! Get on out there and give up a couple hours! You don’t have to do it every month, but just START volunteering! Get your mind off you YOU, and be a blessing to someone else! Here are a couple sites that can get you started volunteering in your area!

http://volunteermatch.org

Idealist.org

FeedingAmerica.org

p.s. Leave a comment if you would be interested in participating in a SistaGirlz volunteer event in your area!!

Can Keeping Secrets Hurt You?

Oprah dropped a bomb on the world the other day when she outed the family secret that had been hidden for close to 50 years. She has another sister. Oprah’s mom had given up her youngest child back in the early sixties, because she couldn’t afford to keep her. The child, now a mother of two sought out to find her biological family, and discovered her mother was Vernita Lee and her sister was Oprah Winfrey! Wow!

Oprah said she is looking forward to getting to know her new sister, whose name Patricia ironically, is the name of Oprah’s sister that passed away in 2006. Oprah also shared how freeing it was to let go of secrets. She recalled her tale of pregnancy and the burden that secret put on her as she rose to fame. She was able to relate to her mother, to tell her to release it. Be free.

A lot of times we keep secret those things that we are ashamed of and embarrassed by. Those things eventually expand and wrap their vines of guilt and shame around our core being, hindering us from personal growth.  No matter how hard you may try to block them out, those secrets remain. Until you CHOOSE to set them free.

Ancient scripts say “The Truth will Make Your Free”. How would you feel once you are free? I can imagine you’d feel giddy like a little kid running in the park on a spring day. What would you gain from exposing that “secret” and turning it into something you own; something you have power over. Think about it as you journey toward becoming a more whole and healed you. Be free. It’s your choice and your right!

Superbowl Party Wings!

Are you throwing the fabulous Superbowl party you’ve always wanted to have? Guests laughing and mingling, lots of action on the field and yelling at the flat screen TV? Ah, the perfect Sunday. But what about the food? What are you doing that will stand out from the normal football party fare, and wow them?! Why not try the recipe for the Baked Buffalo Wings?

Hey, don’t give me any flack about the “baked” status. Didn’t you say you were trying to eat a little better this year? Save the grease and throw things jammies in the oven and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome! Check em out and let me know what you think!

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

20 chicken wings

1/2 cup melted butter

1/2 cup hot pepper sauce (such as Frank

‘s RedHot®)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and lightly grease with cooking spray. Place the flour, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, and salt into a resealable plastic bag, and shake to mix. Add the chicken wings, seal, and toss until well coated with the flour mixture. Place the wings onto the prepared baking sheet, and place into the refrigerator. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.

2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).

3. Whisk together the melted butter and hot sauce in a small bowl. Dip the wings into the butter mixture, and place back on the baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven until the chicken is no longer pink in the center, and crispy on the outside, about 45 minutes. Turn the wings over halfway during cooking so they cook evenly.

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Elder Wisdom

When was the last time you spoke to your grandmother? Perhaps you don’t have a living grandmom, but maybe there’s someone in your life that’s an older, wiser soul. Speak to her and glean from her the knowledge that those years have brought her. Over the Christmas holidays I went to visit my grandmothers in Virginia, for what was to be a 3 day trip. Mother Nature had another scenario in mind as Mother Nurture took the reigns. I was snowed in and as a result spent quality time with both of grandmothers. It was an awesome, unexpected experience.

My maternal grandmother and I have always been really close. I can remember getting up on early so she could take me to Sunday school during my summer visits. We would stop and get Krispy Kreme doughnuts and she’d listen to gospel greats on the radio like, Andrae Crouch and Billy Graham. As a teenager, my grandma decided to buy a new car. She took me with her and we jerked all the way home as I tried to instruct her in driving a stick shift. As a young career woman, my grandma came to my rescue financially when I was buying my first house. Today, our bond has never been stronger.

My paternal grandmother and I love each other dearly, but the relationship wasn’t as close as it was with my other grandma.  Over this holiday season, I saw a different side of my grandmother. She shared stories with me about her life as a young mother in love, stories of regrets and  stories I’d never heard before. She even recited a Christmas speech from a play when she was 4yrs old!  We chatted, she cooked up soul food like grandmothers do, and we played 11 rounds of UNO. She beat me 9 times! SMH! It was a wonderful time.

Spending that time with my elders allowed me to see them in a different light. They are still people and we should respect that. Occasionally you may find yourself getting short or frustrated with an elder, but remember, time stops for no one. Take the lessons they teach to heart, because it may benefit you in the years to come.

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers…

Check that receipt again, SistaGirl! Yep, that’s the new LOWER PRICE of Wal-Mart. Rumor has it the retailer is going to drop their prices even further in an effort to stave off competition from dollar stores like Dollar General and Family Dollar.

The economic crunch has Wally World’s most cash strapped customers heading to places where their money can stretch further. Now, in reaction to this change, Wal-Mart has decided to ditch it’s effort in competing with Target, and focus on their lower income customers.

Will this affect the quality of the products Wal-Mart currently sells? Not if they can convince their vendors like Kraft and Proctor and Gamble to make smaller packages so Wal-Mart can charge less. Wal-Mart is even looking to build smaller stores that will fit in more urbanized areas, and will make it easier for shoppers to reach their locations.

This should make for an interesting shopping experience. I for one, can’t wait to see what savings these changest bring into my pocketbook!

Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez

Author Dolen Perkins-Valdez takes us back into time with four slave women who accompany their masters to a resort in the free state of Ohio in the mid-1850s.  The main character  Lizzie has a fondness for Drayle, the father of her two children.  He somewhat seduced her with knowledge starting when she was 13 years old. He taught her to read, and afterwards began a relationship that endured the rest of her life.   Reenie is the half sister of her owner, a cruel man who passes her along to the resort manager. Sweet is pregnant and has a relatively amiable relationship with her master, while Mawu is a wild red-haired woman bent on freedom from a cruel and violent owner. Frustrations mount as they consider their options, tempted to take advantage of the help offered by free blacks and a Quaker woman. But they are guilt-ridden about the prospect of leaving their children behind.

The women rely on each other for support as they come together for three summers, catching up on their lives of woe and occasional joy. Drawing on research about Tawawa House Resort, that eventually became the first black college, Wilberforce University, the novel explores the complexities of relationships in slavery and the abiding comfort of women’s friendships.

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Love, Honor and Betray by Kimberla Lawson Roby

The infamous Reverend Curtis Black’s sordid past is no secret, as his wife, Charlotte, is well aware. But when Curtis’ long-time mistress and mother of his illegitimate two-year-old, dies, he and Charlotte have no choice but to raise Curtina together. While the living, breathing reminder of her husband’s infidelity infuriates Charlotte, Curtis couldn’t be happier to finally have his whole family together. Despite her best efforts to keep her feelings hidden, Charlotte resents Curtina, taking her emotions out on the young girl.

When confronted about her behavior Charlotte starts spending time away from home, all the while getting closer to her ex-boyfriend. Curtis appears to devote himself to his parish and the new church they’re building, but is he really focusing his attention on the female parishioners trying to lure him into bed? Suddenly Curtis and Charlotte find themselves slipping into dangerous territory, and not even Curtis’ seven-figure salary can prevent what is about to happen.

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Completely Whole by Paulette Harper

Oftentimes, many people try to seek fulfillment from money, relationships, accomplishments, or material things. Others choose to cope with difficult problems by using drugs or alcohol, but they often come up short and soon have to realize that such things do not bring true happiness and fulfillment in life. How then can we successfully solve the problems that we face and find true happiness and peace in our lives? Well, author, Paulette Harper, in her latest book, Completely Whole, shows readers how to overcome suffering caused by alcoholism, substance abuse, poverty, and other obstacles blocking the path to a life of wholeness in spirit, soul, and body

To purchase this book  and to find out more about author, speaker and certified life coach, Paulette Harper log onto:

www.pauletteharper.com

The DRAMA!

Jennifer Lopez (J-Lo to the regular folks) is looking fly these days! Seriously, who is this chick’s trainer? Mom of twins, 40yrs old and FAB! Get it Jenny from the Block! Check her out in her new gig as judge for American Idol. Oh, she has a new song out, too! It’s called “On the Floor” featuring Pitbull.

Are you kidding me? Rick Ross and Elise Neal? Is this just a friendly dinner date or is this going somewhere? I can’t with these celebs!

Stop the presses! Oscar Winner Monique shaved her legs! Remember all of the hoopla surrounding Monique’s choice to rock hairy legs? Well, it’s a moot point now. She’s bare legged and loving it! I think she looks fab in this dress! She announced the nominees for the 2011 Oscars this morning.

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