Daddy Issues

By Miss Rikki

What are you looking for in a relationship?  Is it companionship, love, support, or all the things you never got from your father?  SistaGirlz, in my adult life I have realized that many times we go into a relationship trying to fill the void we have from the things our father didn’t do.  I know women who have abandonment issues, need to be in love all the time, and even are super concerned with being taken care of financially all because of what their daddies didn’t do.

Now, I know that not every single one of you had a “bad dad.” I also know that even if your dad was great there is still a possibility that there is something that you felt was missing, but my point is this:  Stop using relationships to fill the void!  Why?  Because you put too much pressure on a person to behave in a specific way in order for you to feel satisfied.  Love becomes conditional and as soon as they falter in your need area you feel all out of sorts and ready to break down.

Get whole on your own.  I remember a long time ago, Tyra Banks said on her show that she spent years and years being upset with her father for what he didn’t do.  Then one day she realized the only person it was hurting was herself because he had no idea.  She was unhappy, but he was just fine.  SistaGirlz, it’s time to stop being a victim of a situation from the past.  It’s time to move past that and on to a brighter future.

If you’re single, take time to figure out where you are emotionally, where you want to be, and what it is going to take for you to get there.  I know with the recent newscast concerning Black women and marriage a lot of us, I’m including myself, are a little nervous about our chances of finding a lifetime mate.  But I can tell you that if you don’t get your mental and emotional state together, you are sure to be checking the single box on every tax form, new doctor’s paperwork, and job application from here to eternity.

If you need to go to therapy…GO.  If you need to confront your father about how you feel…DO IT.  Do whatever it takes to get whole.  Whole healthy people are more likely to have healthy relationships and healthy relationships are more likely to last.